Advent thoughts 2: Prayer

Today I have been mostly thinking about...

...prayer...Advent...what to have for lunch...prayer...tiredness...the bottom line...fair trade...managing up...prayer...

I really struggle with prayer. I always have and I suspect I always will. I've tried most different approaches and some I find helpful for a bit but they don't stick. Somehow - and it's obviously a little embarrassing to admit this - it's not enough to know that prayer is how we hang out with God.

Give me a Bible and I'll happily sit and read a chunk most days. Ask me to set aside the same chunk of time to pray and I inwardly (and, I suspect, outwardly sometimes) recoil at the suggestion. The irony is, of course, that I'm a reflective introvert so extended time on my own in silence is easy peasy. But some how I really struggle to turn that time into prayer.

Over the last six months I've lived close enough to work to be able to walk, and a few weeks ago I decided that I'd pray on my way to work. It's about twenty minutes and, frankly, even I should be able to manage that. Initially, it was all a bit random. Some days I get to work and feel like God and I had been properly hanging out. Other days, my thoughts had just wandered. A couple of weeks ago, having been reminded of the really simple Taize song 'O Lord, hear my prayer', I decided that I'd just think about the words, sort of singing them in my head and periodically saying the Lord's Prayer (also in my head. Obviously.). I've found that on the days when I leave the house feeling anxious or preoccupied (which is most days at the moment), it's a very simple way of staying focused and even when my thoughts do wander at least the background ear worm is a prayer.

Sometimes I just repeat the song and the Lord's Prayer all the way to work. Sometimes I intersperse some thank yous for really simple stuff - this morning it was for legs to walk to work on, a coat to keep me warm, a job to go to. Sometimes I transition into what I'm tempted to call a 'proper' prayer time - praying for people and situations, the world etc. Sometimes I forget altogether and arrive at work and realise I haven't prayed at all, and I'm grateful that even though I ignored him, Jesus still walked with me.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that I've cracked the whole praying thing. I only do this on days I work (three a week) and only when I walk (usually all three days but sometimes I take the car). But it feels like a step in the right direction. And at the very least, it means that I find myself arriving at work calm and in a positive frame of mind.


The collect for Night Prayer
Almighty God,
give us grace to cast away the works of darkness
and to put on the armour of light,
now in the time of this mortal life,
in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility;
that on the last day,
when he shall come again in his glorious majesty
      to judge the living and the dead,
we may rise to the life immortal;
through him who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.