This is likely to be my only Advent post with a number instead of a word in the heading, and that's because yesterday (17th) was my birthday. My 39th birthday. A year until I'm 40.
I'll be honest - I don't want to hit 40 with my life still feel chaotic and out of control. So I've decided to embark on My Year Of Living Intentionally. Periodically I catch myself thinking 'If ever I discovered that I only had a year to live, I'd want to do...'. The details are, I think, incidental but the fact that that's how I sometimes think frustrates me - if I want to do X,Y or Z I shouldn't wait until I'm diagnosed with a terminal illness, I should just get my act together and do it.
And this seems like a good year to be intentional about those kind of things. I'm going to give myself until 1 January 2015 to formulate a plan but I've already had some ideas. I don't have a ridiculous bucket list, but there are a few things that I've often found myself thinking I'd love to do and so this is the year I'm going to try and do them.
Yes, I know there's an element of wanting to grab back some control over my life but there's also a very clear sense of wanting to say, 'You know what? I'm healthy, I have choices, I'm going to stop thinking about what I'd like to do and just get on and do it'.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Advent thoughts 16: Affirmation
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...family...Christmas...birthdays...friendship...
I'm not sure today's post really has a theme but affirmation is probably as good as anything. Today has obviously not panned out in the way I'd! I feel absolutely no regret over my decision not to go to my interview today, and I've been really touched by the response I've had as I've shared my decision with family and friends.
I feel really fortunate to be part of such a great network of friends and family. The older I get and the more I'm exposed to and understand other people's experiences, the more I realise just what a privilege to have the depth and breadth of relationships I do.
...family...Christmas...birthdays...friendship...
I'm not sure today's post really has a theme but affirmation is probably as good as anything. Today has obviously not panned out in the way I'd! I feel absolutely no regret over my decision not to go to my interview today, and I've been really touched by the response I've had as I've shared my decision with family and friends.
I feel really fortunate to be part of such a great network of friends and family. The older I get and the more I'm exposed to and understand other people's experiences, the more I realise just what a privilege to have the depth and breadth of relationships I do.
Monday, December 15, 2014
Advent thoughts 15: No
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
..travel...buses...friendship...interview...buses...time...
Today I got a No. A resounding, unmistakable, simple No.
In preparation for my interview tomorrow I went and did a little recce of the community in which the role is based. It's an interesting place with interesting stuff going on. It's clearly been a prosperous area in the past but has gone through tougher times more recently. It's pretty unremarkable on many levels.
You may well have got a sense, from previous Advent posts, that I haven't found this application process easy. It's been protracted (unnecessarily so, from where I'm standing), challenging and stressful. It's required me to revisit and question values I thought I held quite strongly. It's poked away at something of my sense of personal vision - where I think I should be and what I think I should be doing. There have been times when lots of stuff has made sense and other times when very little has.
I headed out on my recce feeling moderately ambivalent. There were pros and cons to the role. I felt that on balance the cons slightly outweighed the pros but I was willing to have my mind changed. This morning I prayed that whatever happened, I would come away from my recce no longer ambivalent. I wanted a clear sense of whether or not this had potential as the next step.
And that's certainly what I got. Mine was an almost visceral reaction which had nothing to do with the community itself. I didn't want to be there. There was a moment when I felt sick, another when I was on the verge of tears. I've never really experienced anything quite like it. And ambiguous it was not!
It took a little while, maybe twenty or thirty minutes, for me to begin to realise that not going to the interview was a genuine option. It felt a little bit like quitting and I don't think I am a quitter, not in the stuff that really matters. But then I reflected on the fact that while I genuinely feel like this whole process has been useful, I realised that actually turning up to the interview would be the point at which this became a waste of everyone's time, not to mention disingenuous on my part. So I emailed and withdrew my application.
Unfortunately, due to a technology fail (my phone running out of battery on a bus journey that seemed to go on for days), I wasn't able to email early enough for the message to arrive during office hours today. Fortunately, my interview was scheduled for the afternoon so hopefully the information will get to where it needs to without anyone being majorly inconvenienced.
Life has taught me that a resounding, unambiguous no is just as useful and constructive as an equally resounding, unambiguous yes. It just doesn't always feel like that, but today I know that this phase has come to the right conclusion. Bring on the next one...
..travel...buses...friendship...interview...buses...time...
Today I got a No. A resounding, unmistakable, simple No.
In preparation for my interview tomorrow I went and did a little recce of the community in which the role is based. It's an interesting place with interesting stuff going on. It's clearly been a prosperous area in the past but has gone through tougher times more recently. It's pretty unremarkable on many levels.
You may well have got a sense, from previous Advent posts, that I haven't found this application process easy. It's been protracted (unnecessarily so, from where I'm standing), challenging and stressful. It's required me to revisit and question values I thought I held quite strongly. It's poked away at something of my sense of personal vision - where I think I should be and what I think I should be doing. There have been times when lots of stuff has made sense and other times when very little has.
I headed out on my recce feeling moderately ambivalent. There were pros and cons to the role. I felt that on balance the cons slightly outweighed the pros but I was willing to have my mind changed. This morning I prayed that whatever happened, I would come away from my recce no longer ambivalent. I wanted a clear sense of whether or not this had potential as the next step.
And that's certainly what I got. Mine was an almost visceral reaction which had nothing to do with the community itself. I didn't want to be there. There was a moment when I felt sick, another when I was on the verge of tears. I've never really experienced anything quite like it. And ambiguous it was not!
It took a little while, maybe twenty or thirty minutes, for me to begin to realise that not going to the interview was a genuine option. It felt a little bit like quitting and I don't think I am a quitter, not in the stuff that really matters. But then I reflected on the fact that while I genuinely feel like this whole process has been useful, I realised that actually turning up to the interview would be the point at which this became a waste of everyone's time, not to mention disingenuous on my part. So I emailed and withdrew my application.
Unfortunately, due to a technology fail (my phone running out of battery on a bus journey that seemed to go on for days), I wasn't able to email early enough for the message to arrive during office hours today. Fortunately, my interview was scheduled for the afternoon so hopefully the information will get to where it needs to without anyone being majorly inconvenienced.
Life has taught me that a resounding, unambiguous no is just as useful and constructive as an equally resounding, unambiguous yes. It just doesn't always feel like that, but today I know that this phase has come to the right conclusion. Bring on the next one...
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Advent thoughts 14: Travel
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...work...money...traffic...bereavement...family...home...
I feel like I've done a lot of travelling this term, with my weekly trips to Liverpool. Today I left Leicester early evening and travelled about 130 miles...but in the other direction. I've come back to Bromley in preparation for my interview on Wednesday.
Travel is an obvious Advent theme. Mary and Joseph travelling from Nazareth to Bethlehem, the shepherds travelling a shorter distance from their field to the stable, the wise men much further. I'm not sure today's journey had any great spiritual significance, although there's a sense in which it's another step in that ongoing quest to be the person I believe God calls me to be in the place he's calls me to be in. And that place might change as a result of what happens on Wednesday.
Who knows?
The collect for Night Prayer
O Lord Jesus Christ,
who at your first coming sent your messenger
to prepare your way before you:
grant that the ministers and stewards of your mysteries
may likewise so prepare and make ready your way
by turning the hearts of the disobedient to the wisdom of the just,
that at your second coming to judge the world
we may be found an acceptable people in your sight;
for you are alive and reign with the Father
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
...work...money...traffic...bereavement...family...home...
I feel like I've done a lot of travelling this term, with my weekly trips to Liverpool. Today I left Leicester early evening and travelled about 130 miles...but in the other direction. I've come back to Bromley in preparation for my interview on Wednesday.
Travel is an obvious Advent theme. Mary and Joseph travelling from Nazareth to Bethlehem, the shepherds travelling a shorter distance from their field to the stable, the wise men much further. I'm not sure today's journey had any great spiritual significance, although there's a sense in which it's another step in that ongoing quest to be the person I believe God calls me to be in the place he's calls me to be in. And that place might change as a result of what happens on Wednesday.
Who knows?
The collect for Night Prayer
O Lord Jesus Christ,
who at your first coming sent your messenger
to prepare your way before you:
grant that the ministers and stewards of your mysteries
may likewise so prepare and make ready your way
by turning the hearts of the disobedient to the wisdom of the just,
that at your second coming to judge the world
we may be found an acceptable people in your sight;
for you are alive and reign with the Father
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Advent thoughts 13: Friendship
Friends are people whose company means the day ends better than it began.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Advent thoughts 12: Discipline
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...not very much at all.
Putting finger to keyboard to produce this post is a matter of discipline today. I don't really have anything to write. I haven't been thinking about anything interesting. But I've committed myself to blogging through Advent and today this is the result.
Perhaps I'll have more to say tomorrow...
...not very much at all.
Putting finger to keyboard to produce this post is a matter of discipline today. I don't really have anything to write. I haven't been thinking about anything interesting. But I've committed myself to blogging through Advent and today this is the result.
Perhaps I'll have more to say tomorrow...
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Advent thoughts 11: Relief
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...my interview (blah blah)...my first college assignment...emails...Facebook...work (blah blah)...porridge...
Having given myself all day to finish my business plan for my interview and my first college assignment (and to have made a start on the presentation for my interview - I don't think I've ever had to do so much pre-interview prep before...), I'd submitted them both before lunch. Thank the Lord for that. Literally. I even managed to send the right things to the right places...
I have to be honest, I'll be really, really glad when this interview is over. I can't remember the last time I had to do so much prep for a job I'm in two minds about. I think on reflection it was good that I had a college deadline at the same time - it forced me to reflect on what I'd be giving up if I took the job.
The irony is that this job is the kind of thing I've been waiting for for the last couple of years and now it's here I'm really not sure I'm that interested. It feels like it's come along either six months late or eighteen months early - I'd could have done with this option before I started my MA or just as I was finishing it. But equally the chances of something similar coming along again are, I would have said, slim to non-existent.
We'll see...
...my interview (blah blah)...my first college assignment...emails...Facebook...work (blah blah)...porridge...
Having given myself all day to finish my business plan for my interview and my first college assignment (and to have made a start on the presentation for my interview - I don't think I've ever had to do so much pre-interview prep before...), I'd submitted them both before lunch. Thank the Lord for that. Literally. I even managed to send the right things to the right places...
I have to be honest, I'll be really, really glad when this interview is over. I can't remember the last time I had to do so much prep for a job I'm in two minds about. I think on reflection it was good that I had a college deadline at the same time - it forced me to reflect on what I'd be giving up if I took the job.
The irony is that this job is the kind of thing I've been waiting for for the last couple of years and now it's here I'm really not sure I'm that interested. It feels like it's come along either six months late or eighteen months early - I'd could have done with this option before I started my MA or just as I was finishing it. But equally the chances of something similar coming along again are, I would have said, slim to non-existent.
We'll see...
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Advent thoughts 10: Anxiety
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...all the same old stuff...birthdays (specifically my sister's 30th)...work...
...and what I've been thinking about has been making me anxious and anxiety makes me mean. I was not a good colleague today. Why is it that we can't limit the impact of our emotions to the people or situations to which they directly relate? It's not my colleagues' fault that preparing for this interview is stressing me out (although there is an argument to say that if I was enjoying my job more I wouldn't have applied for a new one...).
It's on days like today that I'm reminded - not for the first time - of the extent to which I fail miserably to live out of the relationship that I claim is the most important to me, the one which I like to think shapes my decision-making and gives me a sense of purpose and direction. On days like today I read a verse like this and recognise just how far I still have to travel on this journey...
...all the same old stuff...birthdays (specifically my sister's 30th)...work...
...and what I've been thinking about has been making me anxious and anxiety makes me mean. I was not a good colleague today. Why is it that we can't limit the impact of our emotions to the people or situations to which they directly relate? It's not my colleagues' fault that preparing for this interview is stressing me out (although there is an argument to say that if I was enjoying my job more I wouldn't have applied for a new one...).
It's on days like today that I'm reminded - not for the first time - of the extent to which I fail miserably to live out of the relationship that I claim is the most important to me, the one which I like to think shapes my decision-making and gives me a sense of purpose and direction. On days like today I read a verse like this and recognise just how far I still have to travel on this journey...
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)So this thing works on two levels, the level of trusting God with the anxiety and the level of resisting the temptation to be mean if I fail with the anxiety thing. Fortunately, I'm not at work tomorrow so the only victim of my anxiety will be me.
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Advent thoughts 9: Perspiration
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...just how much preparing for this interview is doing my head in...work...interview...the cold...money...interview...money...interview...etc...
This morning on the way to work I was pondering that age old conundrum of the interplay of perspiration and inspiration. Preparing for this interview is really taking it out of me for various reasons and in various ways.
Yesterday was all about the perspiration - not literally, fortunately, as it's a bit cold for that. I typed and wrote and printed and wrote and typed and thought I was getting somewhere and made myself keep going and then realised I wasn't really getting anywhere and felt a bit sick.
This morning, as I was just pottering about hanging up the washing, drying my hair, I had the moment of clarity that I think will enable me to head into my interview with a sense that I know what I'm talking about, and that what I'm saying has some integrity. It just arrived, almost fully formed, transformational.
The frustrating reality is, of course, that my moment of clarity this morning wouldn't have happened without the graft of yesterday, and there will need to be more graft before the whole thing falls into place.
So annoying.
...just how much preparing for this interview is doing my head in...work...interview...the cold...money...interview...money...interview...etc...
This morning on the way to work I was pondering that age old conundrum of the interplay of perspiration and inspiration. Preparing for this interview is really taking it out of me for various reasons and in various ways.
Yesterday was all about the perspiration - not literally, fortunately, as it's a bit cold for that. I typed and wrote and printed and wrote and typed and thought I was getting somewhere and made myself keep going and then realised I wasn't really getting anywhere and felt a bit sick.
This morning, as I was just pottering about hanging up the washing, drying my hair, I had the moment of clarity that I think will enable me to head into my interview with a sense that I know what I'm talking about, and that what I'm saying has some integrity. It just arrived, almost fully formed, transformational.
The frustrating reality is, of course, that my moment of clarity this morning wouldn't have happened without the graft of yesterday, and there will need to be more graft before the whole thing falls into place.
So annoying.
Monday, December 08, 2014
Advent thoughts 8: Courage
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...this blasted interview...the cold...bread...soup...Skype...
This evening I met with my friend Kat to do a little Advent study and we spent some time looking at Mary's story in Luke, particularly the passage in Luke 1 that's become known as the Magnificat, her song of praise when she's greeted by Elizabeth. The more I learn about that passage, the more it challenges me.
And the more I learn about Mary, the more she challenges me.
She had more guts at 15, living in a highly patriarchal society, at risk of stoning for adultery, threatened with divorce by her husband-to-be, than I'll ever have. And she was able to say 'My spirit rejoices in God my Saviour'. That's courage.
Luke 1:47-55
My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
...this blasted interview...the cold...bread...soup...Skype...
This evening I met with my friend Kat to do a little Advent study and we spent some time looking at Mary's story in Luke, particularly the passage in Luke 1 that's become known as the Magnificat, her song of praise when she's greeted by Elizabeth. The more I learn about that passage, the more it challenges me.
And the more I learn about Mary, the more she challenges me.
She had more guts at 15, living in a highly patriarchal society, at risk of stoning for adultery, threatened with divorce by her husband-to-be, than I'll ever have. And she was able to say 'My spirit rejoices in God my Saviour'. That's courage.
Luke 1:47-55
My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
Sunday, December 07, 2014
Advent thoughts 7: Rest
Today I have mostly been thinking about...
...not very much...making bread...tidying...er...
One of the things I've always found challenging about not working full time (something I haven't done for nearly five years...) is how to define 'time off'. I suppose technically 'time off' could be any time during which I'm not being paid and it's true that there's a sense in which during that time I'm ultimately free to do whatever I want (within moral and ethical limits, obviously!).
But by trial and error I've concluded that I find it helpful to designate a day that's going to be my 'day off', the one day in the week where, as far as it's possible and appropriate, I do things I'd like to do rather than things I feel I ought to do. For example, a couple of weeks ago I'd had a nice day doing stuff and in the evening I'd arranged to go swimming with a few friends but it felt like an 'ought' (even though I like swimming) so I went to the cinema instead, on my own (entirely by choice - those who poo poo that kind of thing really ought to try it. Yes, ought.) to see The Imitation Game and it was excellent.
Today was one of those days. I slept in, caught up with Strictly, baked some bread, tidied my room (and yes, there is something ultimately restful about creating order out of chaos!) and caught up with some TV. Tonight I'm going out for dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday (ten days early).
There is, of course, an irony in choosing not to go to church on the traditional 'day of rest'. But after years of working for churches, I'm aware that for me there's a lot of 'ought' tied up in heading to a religious building at 10.30 on a Sunday morning. Tomorrow evening I'll be meeting up with a friend to do a second Advent study together and I'm very comfortable with that being my 'gathered church' this week.
So at the end of a week that's been mentally and emotionally a little on the challenging side - and the beginning of one that's likely to be very similar - I'm feeling rested.
The collect for Night Prayer
O Lord, raise up, we pray, your power
and come among us,
and with great might succour us;
that whereas, through our sins and wickedness
we are grievously hindered
in running the race that is set before us,
your bountiful grace and mercy
may speedily help and deliver us;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
to whom with you and the Holy Spirit,
be honour and glory, now and for ever.
...not very much...making bread...tidying...er...
One of the things I've always found challenging about not working full time (something I haven't done for nearly five years...) is how to define 'time off'. I suppose technically 'time off' could be any time during which I'm not being paid and it's true that there's a sense in which during that time I'm ultimately free to do whatever I want (within moral and ethical limits, obviously!).
But by trial and error I've concluded that I find it helpful to designate a day that's going to be my 'day off', the one day in the week where, as far as it's possible and appropriate, I do things I'd like to do rather than things I feel I ought to do. For example, a couple of weeks ago I'd had a nice day doing stuff and in the evening I'd arranged to go swimming with a few friends but it felt like an 'ought' (even though I like swimming) so I went to the cinema instead, on my own (entirely by choice - those who poo poo that kind of thing really ought to try it. Yes, ought.) to see The Imitation Game and it was excellent.
Today was one of those days. I slept in, caught up with Strictly, baked some bread, tidied my room (and yes, there is something ultimately restful about creating order out of chaos!) and caught up with some TV. Tonight I'm going out for dinner with friends to celebrate my birthday (ten days early).
There is, of course, an irony in choosing not to go to church on the traditional 'day of rest'. But after years of working for churches, I'm aware that for me there's a lot of 'ought' tied up in heading to a religious building at 10.30 on a Sunday morning. Tomorrow evening I'll be meeting up with a friend to do a second Advent study together and I'm very comfortable with that being my 'gathered church' this week.
So at the end of a week that's been mentally and emotionally a little on the challenging side - and the beginning of one that's likely to be very similar - I'm feeling rested.
The collect for Night Prayer
O Lord, raise up, we pray, your power
and come among us,
and with great might succour us;
that whereas, through our sins and wickedness
we are grievously hindered
in running the race that is set before us,
your bountiful grace and mercy
may speedily help and deliver us;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
to whom with you and the Holy Spirit,
be honour and glory, now and for ever.
Saturday, December 06, 2014
Advent thoughts 6: Consumption
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...work...volunteering...money...Christmas...friendship...socks...chocolate...tea...
By consumption I obviously don't mean the colloquial name for tuberculosis. I mean the idea of getting stuff. We're all familiar with the idea that we live in a consumerist society. It's a state of affairs that affect our national economy, with the idea that we're a nation that just consumes the stuff other nations make, rather than making our own stuff. (Can you tell I don't really know all that much about economics?)
It's one of those things that those of us that are Christians are likely to have been challenged about. Do I have too much stuff? Does my stuff mean too much to me? Do I worship my stuff instead of worshipping Jesus?
If we've been exposed to biblical ideas of justice we might have been challenged to think about where our stuff comes from and who makes it. Working in a shop which aspires to high levels of ethical behaviour and believes that what it sells can make a difference, I've been challenged to revisit what I believe about consumerism. Is consumption inherently bad? Does the fact that the item I've bought here in the UK can be traced back to a particular producer somehow mean I have a responsibility to buy more stuff? Or does the basic idea of storing up treasures in heaven rather than in a storage unit still hold true?
I've been at work today, and as you can imagine on a Saturday in retail three weeks before Christmas the pressure of the bottom line really begins to rear its ugly head. A good Christmas can make or break a business, especially small ones like the kind I work for. Fortunately, we don't go in for hard sell - I'd have a major, major problem with that - but there is an innate pressure to encourage individuals to buy more than they'd intended to, to spend just a little more than they'd really like to.
I have a responsibility to my colleagues, to our suppliers and, ultimately, producers who want a better life for themselves, their families and their communities, to make sure that at Christmas we sell, sell, sell. But I also have a moral and ethical responsibility to challenge the prevailing narrative that we all need more stuff and that by giving people stuff we demonstrate their value to us. It's a tricky line to tread.
...work...volunteering...money...Christmas...friendship...socks...chocolate...tea...
By consumption I obviously don't mean the colloquial name for tuberculosis. I mean the idea of getting stuff. We're all familiar with the idea that we live in a consumerist society. It's a state of affairs that affect our national economy, with the idea that we're a nation that just consumes the stuff other nations make, rather than making our own stuff. (Can you tell I don't really know all that much about economics?)
It's one of those things that those of us that are Christians are likely to have been challenged about. Do I have too much stuff? Does my stuff mean too much to me? Do I worship my stuff instead of worshipping Jesus?
If we've been exposed to biblical ideas of justice we might have been challenged to think about where our stuff comes from and who makes it. Working in a shop which aspires to high levels of ethical behaviour and believes that what it sells can make a difference, I've been challenged to revisit what I believe about consumerism. Is consumption inherently bad? Does the fact that the item I've bought here in the UK can be traced back to a particular producer somehow mean I have a responsibility to buy more stuff? Or does the basic idea of storing up treasures in heaven rather than in a storage unit still hold true?
I've been at work today, and as you can imagine on a Saturday in retail three weeks before Christmas the pressure of the bottom line really begins to rear its ugly head. A good Christmas can make or break a business, especially small ones like the kind I work for. Fortunately, we don't go in for hard sell - I'd have a major, major problem with that - but there is an innate pressure to encourage individuals to buy more than they'd intended to, to spend just a little more than they'd really like to.
I have a responsibility to my colleagues, to our suppliers and, ultimately, producers who want a better life for themselves, their families and their communities, to make sure that at Christmas we sell, sell, sell. But I also have a moral and ethical responsibility to challenge the prevailing narrative that we all need more stuff and that by giving people stuff we demonstrate their value to us. It's a tricky line to tread.
Friday, December 05, 2014
Advent thoughts 5: Hospitality
Today I have mostly been thinking about...
...tights...coffee...bread...soup...job interviews (again)...work...chocolate...
And I've been doing a lot of thinking about hospitality, specifically about what makes a house a home. I think this is an interesting time of year to think about homes and hospitality. My family is a bit of a sucker for Christmas magazines with wall-to-wall photo spreads of perfect table settings, beautiful frocks and amazing recipes. We've got a few favourites that get regularly revisited and the collection grows each year.
I spent some time today flicking through a couple of magazines today, thinking about what these Christmas issues reveal about our attitudes towards home and hospitality. Yes, it's easy to write all the decorative nonsense off as crass commercialism, but I'm starting to wonder about whether it actually says something moderately profound about how we value people. In the magazines I was looking at, there was an underlying assumption that Christmas is about friends and family, the people we most want to spend time with. The tone of the articles very clearly implied that all the effort of decorating and cooking was about celebration, about expressing the value we place on those closest to us, of wanting to make people feel special and included and loved.
None of the articles referred to what Christians understand by 'the real meaning of Christmas' - there was no mention of Jesus. And yet, there was a hint of an underlying value of inclusion, celebration and love that I suspect Jesus would recognise and approve of.
...tights...coffee...bread...soup...job interviews (again)...work...chocolate...
And I've been doing a lot of thinking about hospitality, specifically about what makes a house a home. I think this is an interesting time of year to think about homes and hospitality. My family is a bit of a sucker for Christmas magazines with wall-to-wall photo spreads of perfect table settings, beautiful frocks and amazing recipes. We've got a few favourites that get regularly revisited and the collection grows each year.
I spent some time today flicking through a couple of magazines today, thinking about what these Christmas issues reveal about our attitudes towards home and hospitality. Yes, it's easy to write all the decorative nonsense off as crass commercialism, but I'm starting to wonder about whether it actually says something moderately profound about how we value people. In the magazines I was looking at, there was an underlying assumption that Christmas is about friends and family, the people we most want to spend time with. The tone of the articles very clearly implied that all the effort of decorating and cooking was about celebration, about expressing the value we place on those closest to us, of wanting to make people feel special and included and loved.
None of the articles referred to what Christians understand by 'the real meaning of Christmas' - there was no mention of Jesus. And yet, there was a hint of an underlying value of inclusion, celebration and love that I suspect Jesus would recognise and approve of.
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Advent thoughts 4: Preparation
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...interview preparation...my first college assignment...an outfit for my birthday meal...an outfit for my interview (turns out the two outfits are one and the same)...chocolate...family...presents...
Preparation seems like an appropriate theme for an Advent blog! In just under a fortnight I have an interview for a job that's unlike anything I've even applied for before, let alone actually done! My preparation has been slightly hampered by the fact that the role is in London and I'm not in a position to go on a recce. And I have a college assignment to finish. And I have work. And it's nearly Christmas (woop!). Who holds job interviews the week before Christmas?!?!
But I'm trying to give it my best shot, to think creatively, to grasp with both hands the opportunity to shape a role I'd really love to do. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I love starting things but I'm not great at finishing them, so I have a tendency to pat myself on the head and congratulate myself for doing something, when actually I should be disciplining myself to finish. I'm better than I was, but there's always room for improvement. Bring on tomorrow...
...interview preparation...my first college assignment...an outfit for my birthday meal...an outfit for my interview (turns out the two outfits are one and the same)...chocolate...family...presents...
Preparation seems like an appropriate theme for an Advent blog! In just under a fortnight I have an interview for a job that's unlike anything I've even applied for before, let alone actually done! My preparation has been slightly hampered by the fact that the role is in London and I'm not in a position to go on a recce. And I have a college assignment to finish. And I have work. And it's nearly Christmas (woop!). Who holds job interviews the week before Christmas?!?!
But I'm trying to give it my best shot, to think creatively, to grasp with both hands the opportunity to shape a role I'd really love to do. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I love starting things but I'm not great at finishing them, so I have a tendency to pat myself on the head and congratulate myself for doing something, when actually I should be disciplining myself to finish. I'm better than I was, but there's always room for improvement. Bring on tomorrow...
Wednesday, December 03, 2014
Advent thoughts 3: Criticism
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...criticism...debate...volunteering...sale or return...gifts...Facebook...emails...the future...job interviews...assignments...shopping...
I don't think anyone really likes criticism. Appreciates it, yes. Understands its value, undoubtedly. But that's not the same as liking it. And I think the impact of criticism is always affected by the spirit in which it's offered. I'll hold up my hands and admit that I don't respond well to being told that what I'm doing is a bit rubbish and really I should do it like this by people who I don't know, or I don't trust, or whose motives I suspect, or who I don't think understands me or the context. I'll also hold up my hands and admit that this doesn't make me an easy person to line manage - sorry to those of you have tried!
But if I'm criticised by someone I do know, who I trust, who I know wants the best for me, who has done their best to understand me and what I'm trying to do, then that's a genuinely different story. I still won't necessarily find the criticism easy to take but I will take it, and I'll reflect on it and I'll work hard to work out how it can shape the future.
And then I have to remember the same rule of thumb when I'm tempted to criticise others. Have I worked to get to know them, have I earned their trust, do I want the best for them (and do they know that), have I invested time and effort into trying to understand them and what they're trying to do? If the answer to any of those is 'no', then what's the value of my criticism? What's the likelihood that it'll make any difference?
...criticism...debate...volunteering...sale or return...gifts...Facebook...emails...the future...job interviews...assignments...shopping...
I don't think anyone really likes criticism. Appreciates it, yes. Understands its value, undoubtedly. But that's not the same as liking it. And I think the impact of criticism is always affected by the spirit in which it's offered. I'll hold up my hands and admit that I don't respond well to being told that what I'm doing is a bit rubbish and really I should do it like this by people who I don't know, or I don't trust, or whose motives I suspect, or who I don't think understands me or the context. I'll also hold up my hands and admit that this doesn't make me an easy person to line manage - sorry to those of you have tried!
But if I'm criticised by someone I do know, who I trust, who I know wants the best for me, who has done their best to understand me and what I'm trying to do, then that's a genuinely different story. I still won't necessarily find the criticism easy to take but I will take it, and I'll reflect on it and I'll work hard to work out how it can shape the future.
And then I have to remember the same rule of thumb when I'm tempted to criticise others. Have I worked to get to know them, have I earned their trust, do I want the best for them (and do they know that), have I invested time and effort into trying to understand them and what they're trying to do? If the answer to any of those is 'no', then what's the value of my criticism? What's the likelihood that it'll make any difference?
Tuesday, December 02, 2014
Advent thoughts 2: Prayer
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...prayer...Advent...what to have for lunch...prayer...tiredness...the bottom line...fair trade...managing up...prayer...
I really struggle with prayer. I always have and I suspect I always will. I've tried most different approaches and some I find helpful for a bit but they don't stick. Somehow - and it's obviously a little embarrassing to admit this - it's not enough to know that prayer is how we hang out with God.
Give me a Bible and I'll happily sit and read a chunk most days. Ask me to set aside the same chunk of time to pray and I inwardly (and, I suspect, outwardly sometimes) recoil at the suggestion. The irony is, of course, that I'm a reflective introvert so extended time on my own in silence is easy peasy. But some how I really struggle to turn that time into prayer.
Over the last six months I've lived close enough to work to be able to walk, and a few weeks ago I decided that I'd pray on my way to work. It's about twenty minutes and, frankly, even I should be able to manage that. Initially, it was all a bit random. Some days I get to work and feel like God and I had been properly hanging out. Other days, my thoughts had just wandered. A couple of weeks ago, having been reminded of the really simple Taize song 'O Lord, hear my prayer', I decided that I'd just think about the words, sort of singing them in my head and periodically saying the Lord's Prayer (also in my head. Obviously.). I've found that on the days when I leave the house feeling anxious or preoccupied (which is most days at the moment), it's a very simple way of staying focused and even when my thoughts do wander at least the background ear worm is a prayer.
Sometimes I just repeat the song and the Lord's Prayer all the way to work. Sometimes I intersperse some thank yous for really simple stuff - this morning it was for legs to walk to work on, a coat to keep me warm, a job to go to. Sometimes I transition into what I'm tempted to call a 'proper' prayer time - praying for people and situations, the world etc. Sometimes I forget altogether and arrive at work and realise I haven't prayed at all, and I'm grateful that even though I ignored him, Jesus still walked with me.
I'm not for one moment suggesting that I've cracked the whole praying thing. I only do this on days I work (three a week) and only when I walk (usually all three days but sometimes I take the car). But it feels like a step in the right direction. And at the very least, it means that I find myself arriving at work calm and in a positive frame of mind.
The collect for Night Prayer
Almighty God,
give us grace to cast away the works of darkness
and to put on the armour of light,
now in the time of this mortal life,
in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility;
that on the last day,
when he shall come again in his glorious majesty
to judge the living and the dead,
we may rise to the life immortal;
through him who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
...prayer...Advent...what to have for lunch...prayer...tiredness...the bottom line...fair trade...managing up...prayer...
I really struggle with prayer. I always have and I suspect I always will. I've tried most different approaches and some I find helpful for a bit but they don't stick. Somehow - and it's obviously a little embarrassing to admit this - it's not enough to know that prayer is how we hang out with God.
Give me a Bible and I'll happily sit and read a chunk most days. Ask me to set aside the same chunk of time to pray and I inwardly (and, I suspect, outwardly sometimes) recoil at the suggestion. The irony is, of course, that I'm a reflective introvert so extended time on my own in silence is easy peasy. But some how I really struggle to turn that time into prayer.
Over the last six months I've lived close enough to work to be able to walk, and a few weeks ago I decided that I'd pray on my way to work. It's about twenty minutes and, frankly, even I should be able to manage that. Initially, it was all a bit random. Some days I get to work and feel like God and I had been properly hanging out. Other days, my thoughts had just wandered. A couple of weeks ago, having been reminded of the really simple Taize song 'O Lord, hear my prayer', I decided that I'd just think about the words, sort of singing them in my head and periodically saying the Lord's Prayer (also in my head. Obviously.). I've found that on the days when I leave the house feeling anxious or preoccupied (which is most days at the moment), it's a very simple way of staying focused and even when my thoughts do wander at least the background ear worm is a prayer.
Sometimes I just repeat the song and the Lord's Prayer all the way to work. Sometimes I intersperse some thank yous for really simple stuff - this morning it was for legs to walk to work on, a coat to keep me warm, a job to go to. Sometimes I transition into what I'm tempted to call a 'proper' prayer time - praying for people and situations, the world etc. Sometimes I forget altogether and arrive at work and realise I haven't prayed at all, and I'm grateful that even though I ignored him, Jesus still walked with me.
I'm not for one moment suggesting that I've cracked the whole praying thing. I only do this on days I work (three a week) and only when I walk (usually all three days but sometimes I take the car). But it feels like a step in the right direction. And at the very least, it means that I find myself arriving at work calm and in a positive frame of mind.
The collect for Night Prayer
Almighty God,
give us grace to cast away the works of darkness
and to put on the armour of light,
now in the time of this mortal life,
in which your Son Jesus Christ came to us in great humility;
that on the last day,
when he shall come again in his glorious majesty
to judge the living and the dead,
we may rise to the life immortal;
through him who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
Monday, December 01, 2014
Advent thoughts 1
Today I have been mostly thinking about...
...understanding people...hospitality...food...Christmas...Advent (not the same thing)...change...jobs...interviews...the future...God...family...light...
Advent has crept up on me this year. Again. Even though it always starts on 1 December. I have been preoccupied, a fairly standard state of affairs but this year exacerbated by study, travel and job hunting. Yet again the Advent theme of waiting looms large - waiting for God to reveal things and being frustrated by his timing.
My aim, as ever at this time of year, is to pause each day, if only for the time it takes for my Advent candle to burn down to the next line, to try to be intentional in my waiting.
The collect for Night Prayer
Almighty God,
who gave such grace to your apostle Saint Andrew
that he readily obeyed the call of your Son Jesus Christ
and brought his brother with him:
call us by your holy word,
and give us grace to follow you without delay
and to tell the good news of your kingdom;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
...understanding people...hospitality...food...Christmas...Advent (not the same thing)...change...jobs...interviews...the future...God...family...light...
Advent has crept up on me this year. Again. Even though it always starts on 1 December. I have been preoccupied, a fairly standard state of affairs but this year exacerbated by study, travel and job hunting. Yet again the Advent theme of waiting looms large - waiting for God to reveal things and being frustrated by his timing.
My aim, as ever at this time of year, is to pause each day, if only for the time it takes for my Advent candle to burn down to the next line, to try to be intentional in my waiting.
The collect for Night Prayer
Almighty God,
who gave such grace to your apostle Saint Andrew
that he readily obeyed the call of your Son Jesus Christ
and brought his brother with him:
call us by your holy word,
and give us grace to follow you without delay
and to tell the good news of your kingdom;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
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