There's one really important thing you should know about me - I don't do vulnerable. By this I mean that I really struggle to share the deeply personal stuff about myself with others, even those I've known for a long time and would trust with my life. It drives my sisters mental.
One of the unhelpful by-products of this trait (and I'm aware there are many) is the fact that I'm not very good at telling others about the interesting or creative ideas I have from time to time. Because I don't tell anyone else about what I'm working on it means that when I get bored, or decide an idea wouldn't work anyway, it's very easy to give up because no-one's in a position to hold me accountable. It makes for quite an easy life really - very few risks are taken and the failure rate stays assuringly low.
But my current state of underemployment has moved the goal posts a bit. I'm very quickly realising that I'm going to find it tricky to get anyone else to pay me to do a fulfilling job which leaves me with two basic options. The first is to get an unfulfilling job. The second is to create for myself the kind of employment I'd actually enjoy.
Not only is the second of those two options by far the riskier economically, it would also require me to face my struggle with vulnerability head on. It means risking people thinking I'm not operating in the real world, that I'm not being responsible. It means having to tell people my thoughts and ideas. It means risking the possibility that people think my ideas have merit, that I should pursue them. It means that people might ask me how I'm getting on and wondering why I haven't achieved what I set out to do. And who knows where it could end?
No comments:
Post a Comment